


Breakfast?

by P0werToTheFandom (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Rape Recovery, Raped Dean Winchester, Scared Dean Winchester, Understanding Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 23:27:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17590421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/P0werToTheFandom
Summary: This is a part two to "It was my fault anyway..."(but it can stand  alone)In the aftermath of Dean Winchester's rape he is struggling to accepts that Castiel still loves him This is fluff, there is an almost smut scene(you'll understand when you read it)(link to part one)https://archiveofourown.org/works/17580251?view_adult=true





	Breakfast?

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Mentioned rape and implied childhood abuse.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own supernatural or any of it's characters.

“Morning, sunshine.” I smile, lean over the bed and kiss Cas on the nose.

“Good morning, Dean.” Cas sits up and stretches. “How did you sleep?”

“Ah, about like normal.” I chuckle and sit down next to Cas. Sam is in his room. He insisted on getting his own room.(I personally think that he was having a chick over) “You?”

“I don’t need sleep.” Cas answers.

“Yeah.” I reach for my shoes and start putting them on.

“You cried out for help in your sleep.” Cas frowns when I don’t answer him. “Dean?”

“Yeah?” I clear my throat.

“Do you want to talk about your dream?”

“It was nothing, just a nightmare.” I get up from the bed and pace a little.

“Dean, I know what you were dreaming about.” Cas shakes his head. _He must be upset that I won’t talk about it._ I mentally curse at myself for messing this up again.

“Cas, I love you… but there are some things that I just can’t…” I shake my head.

“Talk about.” Cas nods. _I hope he understands._

“Yeah.” I swallow.

“I understand.” Cas smiles. “Breakfast?”

“Breakfast.” I smile and let Cas get dressed so we can go get some food.

 

(A week later)

“Have I ever said how much I love you?” I whisper to Cas as we sit together in our motel room on our bed. Sam is in his own room, again. It’s been several months since I was raped, but there are still some things that bother me… especially that Cas still loves me.

“Yes, on several occasions, Dean.” Cas smiles and reaches to hold my hand.

“Well I definitely haven’t told you enough.” I clench my jaws and look away from Castiel.

_God, how does he put up with me and my shit?_

“Cas, why don’t you want to leave me?”

“I love you, Dean.” Cas takes my chin gently into his hand and moves my face to look back at him. “Nothing can change that.”

“But, why?”

“Why not?” Cas smiles softly.

“I’m… me.” I struggle to explain what I’m trying to say.

_Because I’m filthy. Because I’ll never be good enough for you. I don’t deserve an angel for Christ’s sake. I’m worthless in the big picture. I’m just human and you’re an angel. I can’t stop loving you, but you can stop loving me. I screw everything up. I let **him** rape me. I ruined what we had. I’ve lied to you. I kicked you out once. Why in god’s name would you love me? Why won’t you leave me? Why?_

“That’s exactly why I love you.” Cas squeezes my hand and keeps looking me in the eye. “You are you.”

“Cas, but—” I look away. “I’m a failure.” I fight back tears. _Why the hell am I crying? I shouldn’t be crying._

“Dean, you have every right to cry.” Cas starts I look at him in confusion. “You do remember that I can read your mind, right?”

“Um…” I blush red thinking about the time I kept complementing Cas’s ass in my head when we first started dating.

“Let me tell you the truth.” Cas takes both of my hands in his and looks at me. “’You are _not_ filthy. You are good enough for me. You deserve the whole world, Dean. If anything, I’m not good enough for you.”

“Cas—” I start. I want to believe him, but I feel like I’m being selfish if I do _. I can’t believe him, he’s just saying this to make me feel better. He knows the truth that I’m a-._

“I can’t stop loving you, Dean. We have had a bond since I pulled you out of hell. You may screw things up sometimes… but so do I, and so does Sam. It’s gonna take a lot more than that to make me stop loving you.” Cas stops to take a deep breath, I watch as tars fill his eyes and I struggle to hold the tears back in my own. “It is not your fault that he raped you. You didn’t let him do anything. I’ll tell you every day for the rest of our lives if I have to.”

“Cas, why are you saying all this?” I wipe tears from my face as they start to fall.

“Because I love you, you didn’t ruin anything we have. You have lied to me, and you did kick me out. But, why would that matter now? I’ve lied to you. Dean, there is nothing in this world that you can do that can make me stop loving you.”

“Why?” I choke down a sob, resolve finally breaking. “Why me, why would you ever love me?”

“Dean,” Cas cups my face with one hand. “There isn’t enough number in this world to count the reasons I love you.” I look at him and want so badly to believe him, but, how can I? _Everyone says that in sappy chick flicks… but why is it so damn comforting?_

“I love you, because of you. I love everything about you, and I love everything we are together.” Cas whispers and tears roll down his cheeks.

“I don’t want you to go.” My voice breaks and I lean forward into Cas, crying into his chest. “Dammit, I love you, Cas.” I clutch to him like he’s the only thing keeping me live.

“I’m not going anywhere, Dean.” Cas hugs me rocks back and forth. “I love you too, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Don’t leave.” I gasp for air as I completely break.

“I’m here.” Cas shushes me and hold on tight.

We sit there for what feels like eternity, yet seconds at the same time.

“Why did he do that, Cas.” I whisper.

“What?”

“Why did he- rape me?” I clench my jaws and pull away from Cas to look him in the eye. “What did I do to deserve it?”

“You did nothing to deserve that.” Cas looks appalled that I would even think that. “I don’t know why he would want to do that.”

“Normally,” I clear my throat and sniffle a little. “When someone hurts you, they have a reason, something you did to cause it… right?”

“Dean, are you speaking of Allen Ghostt or your Father?” Cas tilts his head.

“God, I don’t know.” I look at the ground feeling guilty for even broaching the subject.

“Dean, nothing that he, or your father did to you was your fault.”

“Then why did it happen?” I look back up and feel anger, not at Cas, but at myself for it happening.

“Sam would say that bad things happen to good people…” Cas offers. I smile slightly.

“Cas, I’m tired.” I sigh. _Not tired… but **tired**. I could sleep all day, but it will never be enough I can’t do this anymore._

“I know, and I don’t know how to help you.” Cas sighs. “Would you like to talk about it?”

“No, I can’t.” I shake my head.

“Okay, I’m here when you’re ready.” Cas smiles.

“Breakfast?” I look at him.

“Breakfast.” We get up to go get some food.

 

(another week later)

“Cas, can we talk?” I sit down on the foot of our bed. Once again, Sam wanted  his own room. He’s got to have a chick or something. Cas is laying on the bed, on top of the covers, already dressed.

“Of course.” Cas sits up and listens expectantly.

“I’m scared.” I clench my jaws and admit. “I don’t want to lose you, but I am afraid that…”

“That you’ll hurt me.” Cas nods.

“Yeah.” I sigh.

“Dean, you won’t hurt me.” Cas crawls to the foot of the bed to sit next to me.

“Cas, I dreamed about it again…” I clear my throat and look away.

“I know.” Cas whispers.

“I don’t know what to do anymore.” I wipe a hand down my face.

“Let me help you.” Cas holds out a hand.

“How?” I look at him again.

“How about we start with breakfast?” Cas smiles.

“Breakfast.” I take his hand and together we leave to get breakfast.

 

(Another week later)

“Cas, I wanna try to…” I look at him hoping that he’ll understand.

“You want to have sex.” Cas nods.

“If you want to.” I quickly add on, not wanting him to feel like I’m forcing him.

“Sure.” Cas sits on the bed. “Do you want to top?”

“If you don’t… mind…” I clear my throat anxiously. The thing is, I’m not sure I’m ready for this, but I want to try.

“What you are most comfortable with is what I want us to do.” Cas reassures me.

“Okay.” We go over to the bed and Cas takes his shirt off. I clench my jaw afraid that I’ll hurt him like Allen Ghostt hurt me. Nevertheless, I start stripping and when both Cas and I are in our boxers I get a sick feeling in my stomach. However, I decide to push past it and continue.

I get a condom from my bag and set it on the night stand. I look at Cas sitting on the bed, he’s watching me carefully. I swallow nervously. Sitting down on bed next to him, I lean in for a kiss to start with. We kiss passionately, lately it’s mostly been a little peck here and there, this is the only actual kissing we’ve done in a while. The kiss gets more passionate and I wrap my arms around Cas. He also puts his arms around me. Somewhere along the way in our kiss Cas gets a boner and I react the opposite that I want to. I jump back looking at him slightly fearfully.

“Dean, are you alright?” Cas doesn’t make a move. I swallow and try to force myself to say I’m okay, but I can’t.

“Cas—” I clench my jaw and look at him with tears in my eyes. _I let him down._

“We don’t have to do this.” Cas scoots closer to me, not close enough to touch, but close enough so I know he’s here for me.

“I’m sorry.” I close my eyes and feel one slip down my cheek. _Dammit, I don’t want to be like this anymore._

“Dean, having sex isn’t going to fix the damage that he did to you.” Cas starts gently. “Only time can fix  that.”

“But I don’t want to be like this anymore.”

“I know you don’t, but I’m not going to stop loving you just because we can’t have sex right now.”

“Why?” I open my eyes and look at him.

“Because I’m in love with all of you, not just your body.” Cas smile. “If we never have sex again it’ll be fine because I have you.”

“I’m sorry.” I drop my head.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I love you, and I’ll never let you go.” Cas touches my shoulder gently. I lean into him and cry into his shoulder once again. “I love you, never forget that.”

I pull away and look at Cas with tears in my eyes still.

“Breakfast?”

“It’s a little late, but breakfast for dinner sounds nice.”

 

(two weeks this time)

I pull into the motel parking lot, tears in my eyes and feel like the world is crushing me. I’m having a really rough day, and it keeps getting worse. Nothing seems to be going right.

_First, I couldn’t make it to the laundry mat, not the Impala has a busted tail light. Dammit I can’t do this._

I get out, slamming the Impala’s door shut. I storm into mine and Cas’s motel room and slam that door shut behind me also. I move right past Cas who is trying to see what’s bothering me and I go to the bathroom looking the door behind me.

I lean against the door and cry. There is nothing Cas can do for me this time because I did this. I’m a fucking failure and I can’t do anything right.

“Dean.” I hear Cas knocking on the door. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I whisper.

“No, you’re not, please let me in.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want you to have to deal with me.”

“I love you, and no matter what happens I will love you, remember?”

“Yeah.” I get up and open the door. Cas is standing there looking upset. _I did that, I upset him. Dammit._

“Dean, please talk to me.” Cas begs.

“I can’t.” I shake my head.

“Okay, how about breakfast?” Cas offers.

“Okay, breakfast.”

 

(A month later)

 I walk into the motel room with tears rolling down my cheeks. Cas looks at me and all it takes is one word for him to understand.

“Breakfast?” My voice breaks.

“Breakfast.”

 

(extended ending)

I walk into the motel room. I went for a drive and  stopped at a store along the way and picked something special up for Cas. It’s an engagement ring, and I’m afraid to ask him to marry me… so I’m gonna wait for the right moment.

I walk into the room and Cas greets me at the door.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Breakfast?” I ask with a smile on my face, hands in my pockets, feeling the ring box in my jacket pocket.

“Breakfast.” Cas smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this. Again, it's part two to "It was my fault anyway..."  
> (link)  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/17580251?view_adult=true


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